The Curse

Poncho and I are cursed.

We moved out of our apartment and into his grandparents' very nice house. They were moved to an assisted living home near Poncho's mom and aunt, so we're house sitting for them. Lovely home, nice pool, great kitchen, no rent. Fabulous.

Poncho and I are going on trips. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow to visit L in Oklahoma, in celebration of the impending birth of her first child. Poncho's going to roadie for one of those pop star chicks, which he is very excited about.

It's all very splendid. Unfortunately it would seem that we flew too high and must pay for our good fortune.

Here is what happened since we started moving:

1. Poncho hurt his neck somehow. Being on Vicodin and Soma made moving a super fun.
2. When the cable company said "Yeah, the house is cable ready" they apparently meant "Yeah, we have no idea what we're talking about." Took a week to get Internet. This made filling Etsy orders difficult. Seeing Poncho go through withdrawals was interesting at least.
   
   
   
   
   

   

   "What do you mean you have to dig a trench from the street??"
   
3. We finally got Internet today. The cable guy was super nice and helpful. He also broke a window. Not a plain glass window, no, a like cut crystal weird fancy window. I don't even know how to get something like that replaced.
4. I sprained my ankle. We live a block from a grocery store now so I thought Lovely, we can just walk there. Unfortunately, this whole "walking" thing turned out to be more difficult than I had anticipated.

That's it. Instead of wondering what's going to come next, we decided that the curse ended when the Internet was turned on (yes, that is a joyous enough event to signal the end of a curse). As if moving to a new city the week before leaving on long trips wasn't enough of a pain on its own. We decided that there is no way we deserve any further punishment. Tomorrow will be our last day together for two months and then we're both off to have a great time.

The Great Wiener Debate

I recently got involved in a discussion about circumcisions, as I am wont to do from time to time, being a lover of all things Naked Man and all. Each time this happens I find more reasons to support my belief that the circumcision of infants is one of the most deplorable and barbaric practices our society engages in. I mean, really, think about it. Cutting off a piece of a dude's wiener just seems like a pretty damn cold thing to do right after he's born, you know?

Before I go any further though, I want to say that, firstly, there's noting inherently wrong with body modification if that's what you choose to do. My problem here is choosing it for someone else who isn't old enough to make that choice for themselves. Secondly, if you do make that choice, as a parent, I do think it's a bad choice; however... no parent is perfect and no one bad choice makes you a Bad Parent. All the Bad Parents I know made lots and lots of bad choices before they earned that coveted title. (ProTip: Taking your child with you to the abortion clinic to be sure they don't become a big sister earns you big points.)

Part 1: Modern Day Pro-Circumcision Arguments
So during these discussions about circumcision, the same pro-circumcision arguments always come up, yet they amaze me every time. I mean it's not like I'm talking to morons here (usually)--it's smart, rational people who are making these easily-refutable arguments with straight faces. Just yesterday I brought this up with one of my best friends, and, in spite of being one of the most open-minded people I know, she got all squeamish and declared she'd totally get her son circumcised because a natural penis is "icky." It's enough to make me go cross-eyed.

Argument 1: It's cleaner.
The problem with this argument is that, here in America, we have this crazy thing called Indoor Plumbing. It's amazing and it allows you to wash your freaking wiener. It's not that complicated, people. Lady bits have all of these crazy folds and caverns, yet we're not shaving of the "useless" parts in order to shorten our shower time! In fact, we Americans kind of freak the heck out at countries who do practice female circumcision, regardless of their reasons or methods.

Argument 2: It looks nicer.
It looks nicer because that's what you're used to seeing here in America. Until recently, circumcision was extremely common, peaking in the 1950s and only really notably declining since the 1990s. If you were in a country where circumcision was not commonly practiced (as in, basically any other country anywhere), you probably would not feel this way. This is called cultural bias, and is no reason to bring scissors near your Little Man's little man.

Argument 3: I want my son to have a peenie like mine and/or do not want him to be made fun of. (Penn Jillette has a hilarious video rant about it here if you don't mind his potty mouth.)
Firstly, I just don't feel that teaching your children conformity just for the sake of conformity is a good lesson for them. This argument basically amounts to "everybody's doing it," which parents spend a lot of time teaching their teenagers is not a reason to do anything. And, in fact, not everybody is doing it. As I previously stated, the practice of circumcision has been in decline for several decades. Currently only just over 50% of males get their thingies snipped. It's not cool anymore. Sorry. Maybe we could teach our boys to smoke earlier; that'll help 'em fit in.

Arguement 4: He's a baby; it's not like he's going to remember that it hurts and he won't miss it.
I... Really?! This is seriously supposed to justify removing a significant portion of a child's penis??

I disapprove.

Part 2: Modern Day Anti-Circumcision Arguments
Now that we know that a penis is dishwasher safe and that conformity makes you a tool, there are very valid reasons as to let a young lad keep his foreskin.

To be brief, the penis head is very sensitive, and is naturaly a moist organ, much like the clitoris. Once the foreskin is removed, it becomes dry and sensitivity is decreased by a sometimes estimated 75%. As one unsuspecting and uncircumcised member said during the aforementioned discussion, "If I pull my foreskin back and try to do pretty much anything not related to sex, it's impossible. It's far too sensitive. The mere fact that circumcized guys are able to wear clothes is proof positive that it causes a serious loss of sensation."

This isn't to say that sex is necessarily four times better for men who are uncircumcised, but it does bring me to my next point.

Part 3: How Did Circumcision Become so Popular Among American Gentiles Anyway?
According to my research (found at the end of this post), circumcision began to be widely promoted during the Victorian era as a means to discourage masturbation. Isn't that fun? Throughout the years it has also been proven to cure wet dreams, bed wetting, urinary and rectal incontinence, tuberculosis, epilepsy, nervousness, abdominal neuralgia, "eye problems," blindness, deafness, dumbness/muteness, as well as prevent spinal paralysis or cuvature, clubfoot, black men from raping white women, urinary tract infections, penile and prostate cancer, tongue cancer, all STDs, cervical cancer, bladder and rectal cancer, and "immunity to nearly all physical and mental illness." This is science, people.

Or not. So basically all we're left with now is "it's pretty because it looks like Daddy's" and "I don't have to wash as thouroughly." It seems like people cling to these two reasons as though their very grip on reality depends on it.

Anyway, it feels good to have taken full inventory of my own thoughts on the matter. I just like to make informed decisions is all, and with all I know about the topic I know that my son(s) when I have him/them will have all natural ding-dongs.

Part 4: More Information
Where did I get this information? Many places, but I'll list my favorite and most readable ones here.

• Mutilation Nation - This is the first article I read on the topic, and found it to be very well-written and interesting. Warning: The points are illustrated, and the topic is penises. Penises in the name of education, of course.

• The Medicalization of Circumcision - This slideshow shows a timeline as well as a scale that shows the popularity of circumcision in the US, UK, and the world as they coincide with different "scientific" studies on the topic. There's one small drawing, but other than that it's weenie-free for the senstaive viewer.

• Circumcision and HIV - The latest trend in circumcision propoganda is that it'll prevent the spread of HIV. I'm pretty sure a condom and/or monogomy will work better, but whatev.

• Intact America - An organization dedicated to trying to figure out what these poor little weenies did to deserve being treated this way.

Note: I finally had an excuse to post pictures of weenies in my blog and I passed on the opportunity. I think that shows growth. I'm going to go do grown-up things like throw a dinner party or look at china patterns or something.

Final Score: 23 to 2; You Lose

Somewhere between my apartment and where I park my car lives a man and his family.

Many times, on my way to and from these two locations, I have passed by this man smoking, BBQing, or otherwise... being outside. I have passed by him twenty-five times, to be exact.

Of those twenty-five times, he has loudly drawn up a wad of phlegm in his throat and spit it on the ground twenty-three times.

This should be your face right now.

I call this man... Spitty Guy. Clever, I know.

Poncho is also in on this game and occassionally asks me for the current score. Recently we were walking and Poncho was about to announce that Spitty Guy had earned another point in his favor, but I held up my finger and, lo', Spitty Guy managed to squeeze one in just before we rounded the corner out of earshot. I have learned not to underestimate the volume at which Spitty Guy can hock.

I try to be fair when keeping score. I only counted it as one point when, the other day, Spitty Guy walked to the dumpster and back, spitting six times during the thirty-foot trip. I tried to convince myself to feel sorry for him, that he must have some sort of phlegm-producing disorder, but the seemingly-constant smoking is kind of a sympathy killer.

Call me a prude but I don't like watching people expel anything from their bodies, especially where I might walk through it.

Anyway, Spitty Guy, I'm calling it. Poncho and I will be fully moved out of this apartment in a week. You just got your second point yesterday (Congratulations!) and I think we should quit while you're ahead. Good luck and God speed.

Review: Spoonflower.com

My Spoonflower.com swatches came in the mail! Yesterday, actually, but whatever.

On August 20th, Spoonflower had a "free swatch" day, so I took advantage. I actually almost forgot, since I spent the day with my siblings, so the swatches I picked aren't nearly as cool as I had intended--fifteen minutes isn't really any time to draw anything out or get choosy on fabric types.

Lighting sucks everywhere in my apartment.

These are both just the quilting weight cotton ($18/yd). The edges are frayed and they're wrinkled 'cause I just washed them; when they first arrived they were very un-frayed and un-wrinkled.

They let you select the scale. Since I didn't have time to draw anything out, I was worried that the images I was tossing in there wouldn't be big enough, but very little detail was lost in the printing.

These are the actual images I uploaded for printing.

Allow Tuxedo Yoda to help show the scale.

So I ordered on August 20th, my order shipped on September 4th, and I received my order on September 8th. I'm no authority on how long it takes to fill these orders, especially after doing something crazy like a free swatch day (really, even shipping was free), but I think that's a reasonable amount of time to wait for something like this. I don't know if an actual paid-for order would be faster.

Now I just need an excuse to buy my own custom fabrics. I guess I should start sewing more often. I did add Spoonflower.com gift certificates to my Amazon.com wishlist anyway though.

Hajimimashite, Snail-chan

This afternoon, Poncho and I practiced setting up the tent for our camping trip this weekend. Well, assuming we get to go; it seems that most campsites in Southern California have either burned down or won't let you have a campfire for fear of getting burned down. The audacity of these places disallowing campfires and still calling themselves a campsite! It should be illegal.

Really, we were just being sure the tent was still in working order, seeing as it's possibly older than us. Maybe combined. I'm not sure what color it originally was.

After we finished packing it back up (and I finished patting myself on the back for remembering how to set up a tent, having not attempted it since sixth grade), I noticed something tiny on my foot. I thought What are you doing on my foot, tiny round thing?

And that's how I met my new buddy, Snail-chan.

Whenever I see something this tiny and cute, I can't help but add the honorific -chan to the end of its name. I wouldn't dare say it out loud, as that would be entirely too weeaboo of me, but I can blog it with only minimal shame.

After showing everyone in the house (this was at my in-laws' house, by the way), I took Snail-chan on a field trip to the other side of the yard, where it would probably take her a month to get on her own, and watched her frolic on some tiny flowers.

Not wanting to worry her mother, I brought her right back to where she probably was before she got on my toe, and said goodbye.

Her visit put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. No, really, I'm easy to please like that.

I posted more photos of Snail-chan on flikr. I also submitted them to Cute Overload. Is it too much to dream she gets her own calendar page? Snail-chan for Miss September 2011! Update: Yay, Snail-chan is a super star!